i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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