I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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