What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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