who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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