You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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