Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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