well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
