Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
