i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
