Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
