I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
