I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
