You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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