It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sober January is a disaster.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
