I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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