cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
