My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
