Barsexuality is the new black.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
