The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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