So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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