Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
