love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
