You're my little dorito
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize