Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
