I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize