can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
what is it with giant penises always finding me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
