did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
