I queefed so loud it echoed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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