do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize