Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i drank out of a bidet.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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