update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
