I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
