It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
