everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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