I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
