I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
