i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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