guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
