where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
