You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
