I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
North Korea, Best Korea!
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
