my mouth tastes like poor choices
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
