How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
