We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
