She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
