Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
