So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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