So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
