And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
