the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
