god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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