She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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