you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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