...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
