i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
