i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
