you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
