my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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