We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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