We're like a lot better than the average bears
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Let's paint friendship bongs
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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